vin. poésie. vertu.

Also, this! Who’s preggo and wants to announce their possible infidelity to the world?

Apologies in advance, and if it makes you feel any better, I’m going to be totally incommunicada starting Friday evening for practically a week.

Or, you know, that whole Declaration of Independence thing. And as for the Statue of Liberty, that’s in fuckin’ Jersey.

PS: I know New York City school standards suck and all, but it’s spelled Philly.

And don't forget about Bride Wars

Jean: Yeah, and they cut to Kate Hudson more than the effing pitcher! WHO CARES. She is the new Jessica Simpson (or at least let’s hope that she has the same effect).
Corinne: She couldn’t even stand up to cheer for them…Go back and make crappy movies with Matthew thanks!
Jean: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA: The Mets could make a better movie than Fools Gold, bitch!

All in all, I'm pretty impressed with Google Translate

I got an e-mail from a business contact en espanol that looked like it was a chain letter, so I put it through Google Translate and this was what I found:

I have a friend who came from far away and need a place to stay.

Thus, I suggested your place.

I ask you to receive and love him.

His name is Jesus Christ.
Now say quietly:

“You go Lord, I need you, cleanse my heart with your blood and bless my family.”

Send this invitation to your contacts and receive a miracle tomorrow.

If you believe in God sends this message to 20 people, if they refuse to remember that Jesus said, “If you deny me among men deny you before my father.

“Within 4 minutes will give you good news!

Holy shit! This is amazing! Cleanse my heart with your blood?! What if you believe in God but not Jesus? Where does that leave you in the rules set forth by this chain letter? What if I want the miracle today, in the way that my contacts often want me to snap my fingers and make it all better?

This is seriously the best thing I’ve seen all day.

Meanwhile, Yo Teach! is out in the car, waiting like a schoolgirl for Don. Or I guess waiting like a schoolWOMAN. The night before she had told Don that she entered into this relationship with her eyes wide open, but now she is realizing that she wants more from him even though she knows she can't get it. Like, she wants to take him to a restaurant in Little Italy. And that's mostly it. Mostly she just really wishes that he would divorce his wife and abandon his three children so that they could go eat cheese pasta in Little Italy. A girl can dream, can't she? Sure she can. Especially when she spends all night alone sitting in a car.

Sigh. This whole thing made me so, so sad. And that makes me feel like kind of a terrible person.

Love Letter to Chase Utley

Dear Chase,

I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so much alike. I would love to meet you some day. It would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you, but I think you would be impressed with my speed. I love your hair. You run fast. Do you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did, and I hope you write back this time and we get to be good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real home run.

Mac

(from Season 5, Episode 6 of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Look, is this an idiotic Philly-ized version of Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind”? Yes. Yes it is. However, I feel the need to point out that the Yankees are evil, and this seems like as good a way as any.

It occurs to me that I really can’t take compliments. It’s much easier for me to understand the things people don’t like about me than the things people like about me.

This has nothing to do with the picture and everything to do with the vodka I drank earlier.

I’m only sharing this because I’m feeling especially cruel today.